Introduction

So, you know you need to set boundaries, but let’s face it, it’s easier said than done, right? Well, I’m here to letcha know, you’re not alone in this struggle. Boundaries can be a real challenge, both for the giver and the receiver.

But fear not, my friends, because I’ve got some somatic skills up my sleeve that can help you navigate this boundary-setting business like a badass.

Key Elements of Healthy Boundaries

First, let’s talk about the key elements that make boundaries healthy and effective: 

1. Understanding your own feelings, wants, and thoughts. 
2. Knowing your limits around those nuggets. 
3. Being crystal clear about what action or consequence will follow if/when your boundaries are not observed. 
4. And finally, expressing your limits/acting with consequences from that clarity and confidence.

Simple, right? Well, not always – but it might not be because you don’t know those steps. It’s something totally different…Ready? 

Skills for Distress Tolerance

Learning skills to manage the DISTRESS around boundaries is the secret sauce when it comes to setting and holding boundaries. That’s because holding the boundary will feel ten times worse than setting it – and you’ll feel like you’re on a rollercoaster when you’re starting off.

Boundaries will challenge your limiting beliefs and push you way out of your comfort zone. This can make that part of your mind trying to protect you flip into high gear.

As a result, somatic skills come in handy when we’re talking about distress tolerance. So take a deep breath, and buckle up, because we’re about to explore four body-based skills that will help you build up that distress tolerance when your mind wants to think itself out of this.

Deep Breathing

Ah, the “breath of life.” It may sound dramatic, but deep and regulated breathing is a powerful tool for calming your nerves and reducing stress and anxiety. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, your breath tends to go all wonky, making matters worse.

So, find a comfy spot, take a deep breath in through the nose, let it fill your lungs and belly, hold it for a few moments, and then slowly exhale longer than your inhale, releasing all that tension as you do this. You can also find some other breathing skills here. Feels better already, doesn’t it?

Grounding Skills

Sometimes you just need to get down to earth, literally. Grounding techniques help you feel present and connected to the here and now, easing overwhelm and anxiety.

Even better, kick off those shoes, wiggle those toes in some natural element like dirt, sand or water, and connect with nature. Feel the sand, grass, dirt, or even rocks under your bare feet. Let those sensations ground you and bring you back to the present moment. Notice how the worrying quiets just a bit. You’re grounded, my friend! Laying on your back, supporting the “back body” with pillows or blankets will also signal stabilty to your central nervous system. 

Body Awareness

News flash here… your body knows what’s up. For reals. Body awareness is all about tuning in to those physical sensations and noticing any tension or discomfort. Scan your body from head to toe, and as you come across those pesky areas of tension, breathe into them and imagine them softening and releasing. Your body will thank you for it and your mind will function with more clarity. Your body doesn’t lie, so noticing what it’s trying to communicate to you will help. Your mind might misinterpret body signals at first, but over time you’ll be able to trust the body more and more. 

Self-Compassion

Now, here’s where even more magic happens. When it comes to setting boundaries, those sneaky false beliefs creep in, making you feel like somethin’s wrong with YOU.

But alas, it’s just not so! Mindfulness and self-compassion are often neglected when it comes to distress tolerance, but honestly they are here to save the day. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just like you would to a struggling child or your beloved bestie. Kick that inner critic to the curb and welcome your wise woman with open arms. You deserve it and over time, it will help you manage difficult situations with more effectiveness.

Conclusion

Setting and holding boundaries may not be a walk in the park, but with these somatic skills in your toolbox, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the tricky terrain. Deep breathing, grounding techniques, body awareness, and self-compassion will help you increase self-trust and self-awareness, giving you more options for problem-solving and improving your relationships.

So, take a deep breath and go for it. And hey, if you want some extra guidance on this boundary-setting journey, I’m taking new clients in both my therapy and coaching programs. Click here if you are interested in scheduling a free consult to see if we’re a good fit for working together.

I promise you – I’ve struggled with this stuff and can help. 

In Health & Wholeness, 

Shannan